Skeletons

Skeletons

We nestle our skeletons deep in the closet
Where daylight barely reaches
We allow them to collect dust and further decay
Yet we cannot forget about them…
Always present
Always haunting.

Our daily lives continue and an acquaintance asks,
‘How are you today?’
You respond,
‘Good. How are you?’
They stick to the procedure… the script and say,
‘Good. Well, it was nice seeing you.’

And then you part ways.

They’re ignorant of your battles, your fears, and your secrets
And that would probably be their choice, anyway.
After all, who wants to be burdened with problems beyond their own?

We all have our own battles to fight and skeletons to stuff.

Just know, when a stranger’s life appears peachy-keen
Rosy cheeked, and daisy-filled,
That the peaches, roses, and daisies may be withering and wilting
Even if they retain their pleasant fragrance.

This is life.
Human nature.
And it will not change.
We are human
And stuck in our own worlds
Concerned only about our own decaying skeletons.

5-26-09

(Written for a pregnancy, potential diagnosis, and ailing grandmother… it all happens at once)

I'm So Ready!

Well, emotionally I'm better than I was during the last post. I just have my days. (And, Candi, thank you for the sweet response.)

I don't think I posted this (and sorry if I did but I don't feel like checking) but I had to spend several hours at an eye doctor's and Retinal Specialist's last week. My eyes were acting weird. I had three instances where I was seeing things out of the corner of my eye (like swimming pool water shimmering).

Well, after all the appointments and time taken, my retinas are fine and there's nothing the doc can do. The specialist said that my problem most likely stems from the neurological stuff. I guess it's good that I'm not losing my retinas. Since then those visions stopped but I am still getting shooting light effects when in bright light or randomly. If it doesn't get worse, I can deal with it.

I scheduled my MRI for June 26th so hopefully we'll have some answers when I go to the specialist on July 7th.

The good news is that baby is doing well and measuring okay now. The OB said whenever I go into labor I can have the baby. She also said that if I go a week late, they'll induce me (which is why I could book the MRI and be sure I have time for it).

So, at the latest, baby K will be here by June 22nd. Isn't that crazy?! I hope it's before then but at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel! I can't wait to meet this little one.

I've been very sore lately and restless. Also, I've been feeling off today (and it's not the neuro stuff). I don't know if the baby is coming soon, but my body surely knows something's going on. I've had some irregular contractions here and there. Once they get painful and are 5-7 min. apart, I can go in to the hospital.

So, it's just a big waiting game. I'm excited, nervous, scared, and thrilled all at once. It's such an awesome thing that Jason and I could create this life and bring him/her into this world. It truely is a miracle. All babies are.

Now that I ended on a good note, I'm going to fall over!

(Sorry for any typos but I'm too tired to spell check or read over this... deal with it... I'm 9 months pregnant!)

Mother's Day

I thought I should post a quick update. Today is Mother's Day and Jason got me a card and bought me doughnuts at Kribels. We also took the dog to South Park and are getting ready to go to dinner with mom and Glenn.

Baby-wise... nothing much is new. Time is crawling. I have my next OB appointment tomorrow but I don't expect any big news.

On the other front... the MS front... well, it's frustrating. Pregnancy is supposed to keep things from happening but that's not the case with me. I'm worried that after I have the baby that I'll have tons of problems if I'm already having them now.

I try not to think about it much and try not to talk to anyone (but Jason and he's sick of hearing it) about it. I know mom gets some more details than others, too. I'm so scared that when I lose sleep with the new arrival that all hell is going to break loose.

But, really, it's just frustrating and gets me down. One day can be great and then the next I get tremors in my hand or my ears start buzzing so loudly that I can't hear well beyond that buzzing. I'll keep from listing all the stupid little things that keep happening.

I'm trying not to shut people off or shut down but sometimes I just want to disappear for a while and bury myself in a hole. I hope that after the baby is born that I'll be so preoccupied with that that I don't obsess over this stuff.

I have a specialist appointment on July 7th and got a script for an MRI that I'll do before then. I'm scared of what we'll find out at that appointment. But, maybe if we get answers we can get somewhere with this. I was told this specialist isn't very quick to hand out a diagnosis (which is the opposite of the first guy I started to see). That's probably not a bad thing, though... this is a big deal.

So, after my July specialist appt., I don't know if I'll be any the wiser on things. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Sorry I wrote more than I intended and sorry to be a downer. I guess we all have those days, though. Hopefully going out to dinner will distract me and lift me up a little...