Down Day

Well, I'm having a down day today.

I didn't sleep well and I'm tired. But, the worser part is what's going on with my body. This one isn't pregnancy related. I don't know if I mentioned it here already, but for the past several weeks the right side of my face has had 10 second episodes of going numb. It's still doing it and it's now doing it to my tongue and down my right arm. It's even affecting my left hand. I'm almost having trouble focusing my eyes when it happens. It pretty much seizes me up. This is so frustrating and scary.

It just started last time I saw the neurologist. I did tell him about it. He said it couldn't be MS since MS symptoms come and stay or they completely leave after a time. They don't just come and go like this. At the time he said it may be stress. Well, after waiting a few weeks, I can say that I don't think it's stress.

It's scaring me. I don't even know if MS is the right diagnosis since I never got my MRI. I did call the doctor and left a message today about this. I fear for what he may want to do, or worse yet, what really is wrong with me.

I'm sick of being scared and feeling like this. This should be the best time of my life and all I do is deal with this crap. It's hard to stay positive when your face goes numb and stops you in your tracks countless times a day. It's worse today and I wonder if it's because I didn't sleep.

Sorry to dump this but I'm at work alone trying to make it to 5:00. Everyone else left early so I'm holding down the fort. I seriously doubt the doctor will even call me back today and tomorrow's a holiday.

I just had to get it out somewhere...

I pray nothing else (or worse) is wrong with me. I'm sure the hormones aren't helping, either.

So my next appointment isn't until the Wednesday after Turkey Day. It's KILLING me. This whole pregnancy thing is surreal. I hear it's common to woner, 'is there really anything in there?' That's exactly how I feel. Even after seeing a heartbeat and watching the baby on TV, I don't believe it. I've watched too many fictional TV shows to think this is real.

I've been feeling fine lately. Today is the start of 11 weeks. I hear at the end of the first trimester that feeling crappy goes away. For me it has. I'm not even starving every two hours like I was. I guess I just have to wait a little over a week to find out.

We went to my sister in law's surprise birthday party last night. We had a good time. It's nice to see everyone approach me and ask how I am. I think it's thoughful and sweet. I noticed a few visual belly checks. It's too bad that I'm not showing yet! Some people I couldn't remember even asked how I was. I'm horrible at remembering people, though.

I think we're going to Giant Eagle to buy the rest of Thanksgiving Day food. I'm sure Giant Eagle will have samples for us. We love that Giant Eagle and their samples. Jason can nearly scrounge a full meal out of it.

I think I'm going to buy some fake wine. I actually love that stuff and now I have an excuse to get it!

I know more people read this than comment so I wanted to say that I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving holiday. I may not post before then. Pray that my little peanut is well and is ready to be heard at my next appointment (their heart, anyway).

I finished my O/T on Friday. I've improved quite a bit but my scapula is still very weak. I was yelled at to use the rubber bands more. I kind of stopped using them. I should be better about that.

As for the pregnancy, I've had days where I've felt completely normal (which scares me) and days (like yesterday) where I felt off. I was nauseous all day yesterday. I hope it's a sign that the little one is still growing. I still have two weeks until my next appointment. The wait is killing me.

Today is my official 10 week mark. If I make it to 12 weeks, we're mostly out of the woods. I just have to wait a little longer. With Thanksgiving coming up, I'm sure the time will quickly pass.

I hate that I have to wait 3 more weeks to check in on the little peanut. As usual, I worry... shock, right? In the meantime, here's something I wrote in the hopes that our little one is well.

Shining star
Twinkling heart
Beating within me

A miracle contained in my universe
Unaware of life to come

I will give myself… my heart… my soul to this little one

This tiny being, a mixture of my soul mate and me
Will be a part of our lives in ways we could never imagine.

Little one, you’ll never know how much we want you
We need you.

These magical months feel like an eternity…
One worth waiting for.
We cannot wait to meet you.

In the meantime, stay strong…
Grow…
Flourish within me
And take my nourishment.

The time will soon arrive where I will hold you in my arms
And look into those wide eyes
And never try to imagine a day without you.

Next Neuro Appt.

I'm done with the next neuro appoitment. The doctor was actually quite positive.

He wants me on treatment as soon as I deliver. The only bad news with that is I won't be able to fully nurse. I can deal with that, though. I'll nurse to the point where I see him again and get on treatment. I'll need an MRI after I deliver, too.

The good news is that he thinks we caught this early enough that we can keep it under control better. He said MS doesn't kill people, it can debilitate them. But, hopefully we can keep it to a minimum with early treatment. Treatment can eliminate or minimize the 'attacks' so I won't have as many lasting effects as if I wasn't treated. I hope that works for me.

If I do get an attack before next June I can get put on steroids to help reverse the effect.

My left side has improved so I'm happy. I might be done with O/T. I forgot to ask.

I think that's it for now. I'm at work all week filling in for my coworker who's on her honeymoon. So, I need to get to it.

O/T Updates

I had O/T yesterday and she gave me the same tests as the first day. I improved in all areas. I still can't write and have trouble typing, but I've improved drastically. I have a neuro appt. on Monday so we'll see what the doctor says. The therapist said that this next Friday could be my last session. So, we'll see. I have tons of at home exercises I will still have to do.

Unfortunatly, even though my left hand is improving, I have been getting numbness on the right side of my face off and on. It doesn't hurt and happens mostly when I'm standing up from sitting, or if I'm getting stressed over something. I don't know if this will last, but it is annoying.

That's apparently one of the most upsetting things about MS... it's unpredictable. Troubles can come and go, or stay. Some can go and come back years later. Ther's just no knowing.

Well, I think our little peanut is well. I haven't felt sick in two weeks. But, I MUST eat every two hours. And, I cannot eat a ton at one time or I feel awful. I had breakfast at 10:30 and it's 12:30 and I'm dying of hunger. I have food cooking but it's not fast enough!

I don't get back to the doctor until early December so hopefully our little one will be growing and thriving all of this time. I'd love another ultrasound but I've been lucky that I already got two. Most women don't get one until 20 weeks! I should at least be able to hear the heart beat at my 12 week appt. though a doppler. I hope I do!

Lunch awaits and I must eat!

Embarassing

Here's on vacation... pre preggo:



Here's 5 weeks. I thought I looked... okay.



Here's 8 weeks. I don't know that it's just pregnancy. I think it's candy bars and lack of walking! I'd love to watch my weight now but I don't think I'm allowed. I only wish I was pushing it out.

8 Week Ultrasound

Well, I'm back from the ultrasound.

The baby is good and we saw the heartbeat again! I could have watched it all day but the tech didn't stay on it too long.

The tech was nice and said they had OB doctors in that building. So, I may switch to them. I hate my current doctors and can't imagine delivering with them.

Anyway, the heart rate was at 170-ish... which is good.

I'm measuring exactly to when I thought I conceived.

So, I'm back at work finishing my day. My mind is at ease... for this week!

Appointment...

Well... to sum it up on three words... I know nothing.

The fertility clinic told me to go into my regular OB for an 8 week check up and ultrasound. Well, it turns out that when UPMC took over my doctor's office, they got rid of the ultrasound machine. So, the doctor did a quick exam and wrote me a script for bloodwork and ultrasound.

All that worrying and waiting didn't go away today. Now I have to go somewhere else for the ultrasound. This seems typical of my luck. Sorry to be down on it, but I'm pretty livid and frustrated. I want a new doctor but I don't even know how to begin looking. I've been unhappy with them for years now. This just proves me right.

So, I don't know anything new. It's more waiting for me.

Sorry I don't have any more news.

New Car, Busy Weekend

(First of all.... I posted pictures below. No matter how small I make them, they're getting cropped (thanks to Photobucket?) So, I think you should be able to click on any one picture to see the whole thing. I don't have time to putz anymore, so they'll have to annoy me by being cropped...)

Well, we bought a 2008 Subaru Impreza Outback Wagon yesterday. I love the new car. It's a
stick and they're harder and harder to find. It was an exhausting day, but it's great to have a car where the roof doesn't leak, the tac (is that how you spell it) works, the passenger window goes up, all the speakers work... I could go on. I swear.

This morning Jason's parents had us over for breakfast. Cyan came along and played with her cousin Buster. We have a wedding to go to tonight. So, Cyan should be tired enough to sleep tonight.

I'm just catching up on things around the house before tonight. It's going to be a long night. I have my next OB appt. tomorrow so I hope it comes soon! I'm also trying to do my therapy exercises (I just did some), but they're so boring it's hard to keep on track. On thing the therapist gave me was a card game so I should make Jason play with me. At least it's interactive.

Anywhoo... I have to shower for the wedding. I'll keep everyone posted about tomorrow's appointment.